is your mom at the bar?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
