whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
