I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
