i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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