You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
