If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
