Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
