Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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