I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
