you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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