just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
