True but thats because hes a fetus.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
