Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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