At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
