And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
