So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
