I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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