Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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