please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
