Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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