Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
