i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
