So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
