I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
