He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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