Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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