why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
