nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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