I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
