doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
