I heard we made out
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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