I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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