We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
