Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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