she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
