bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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