I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is wine microwaveable?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
