There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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