I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
