I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
