We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
