dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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