I cockslap morals
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
