so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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