Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
