he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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