The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
