So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
