I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
tell me about the eggs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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