Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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