How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
