I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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