so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
