is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
