just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
