There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
