Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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