I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
